To Thine Self Be True

“Be yourself”

We hear these sayings but what do they really mean?  These are from the mind: ideas. How do we apply these mental thoughts to our spiritual lives?  How do we feel these things on an emotional level so that they integrate and are put into action?

If we are living in western society, we are inundated with images of how we are told we should be, behave, look, perform and exist in today’s world.  Many people have become carbon copies of the advertising images, clutching onto the next fad or trend to give them identity.

Some people cling to well-known religions or rebel in some kind of alternative religion so as to be different and explore the outer realms of the mainstream.  Whatever we choose, it is still a choice to belong to some kind of realm of social acceptance, even if it is not in the mainstream.  Groups form for acceptance of the furthest reaches of style and belief.  

The idea that we are alone is a myth.  We are always surrounded by energy and this energy can take the form of matter or not.  It is said that ‘Thoughts are Things’.

These ideas of being oneself and To Thine Self Be True are merely ideas which separate us from the Unity Consciousness and make us feel like we are different so we feel more egoically important. 

I believe that the essence of these phrases really lie in the surrendering of our egos to these ideas.  In surrendering to these separatist ideas, we actually become one with the flow and thusly become our true selves because we are being authentic to the flow.  

Each one of us has been given a divine blueprint, an essential energy coded specifically for our DNA or energy frequency.  When we get out of the mind and into our hearts, we can truly surrender to this DNA code frequency by surrendering fully.  It happens with the breath.  By breathing whole breaths, we can essentially ground into the flow and become the one we have been seeking.  We can see, hear, and feel the essence of the flow through our breath.  The breath is the bridge to Spirit and it connects us to the Divinity from which we came.

In this FLOW and only in this FLOW can you truly be YOURSELF, because there is no-one like you anywhere ever before or ever will be again.

Bless you... The Divine Channel that is YOU...

~*~

POWERLESS

Suddenly, the lights went out.  We were scared.  I didn’t know what had happened.  My daughter, being six years old, was afraid of the dark.  The lights didn’t come back on like they do sometimes when they go out.  We waited and we waited, but nothing happened.  

My eyes got accustomed to the dark.  Everything was still and quiet.  My daughter was scared. I went to find candles. I got the lighter and I lit some candles.  I remembered the flashlight and my daughter ran to the door where we kept it because she remembered too. She almost knocked me over.

I went to find more candles and lit those.  She was scared and I was too.  I found the PG&E bill and called them.  I got an automated phone tree on my cell and pushed all the right buttons;  1 then 2 then 1 then 2 then 2 then 2. 

Finally, I had completed reporting the outage and they said that I was the first to report an outage in the area.  They kept asking on the automated line if there was a downed power line.  I went outside and looked at the neighbors houses.  Everyone else’s lights we ON!  Even the duplex neighbor!  I went in the garage and checked the breakers and nothing was off.  I looked at the wires coming from the power poles.  Nothing was down.

I waited on the phone and pushed the buttons which got me a real live person.  They said a technician was on the way and it had been reported.  I said I had a scared child and asked how long it would be.  The kind man in Sacramento said he didn’t know but hopefully soon.  He felt our fear.

While all this was happening… something else was happening, spiritually.

When the lights first went off I was making dinner.  I had a pizza in the toaster oven for my daughter and I was preparing my tacos; homemade bean dip, cut up broiled chicken, cheese, chopped organic tomatoes and sour cream.  My head was in the fridge.  Then all of a sudden the power went.

We got a real shock.  The fear gripped us.  I felt really powerless, that sinking feeling, like Oh NO!  It wasn’t only that the power went out; it felt like our light was taken away.  We were in complete darkness.  I am sure this made our pupils open.  I felt the void and so did my daughter.  The message came loud and strong: The power of light is not to be taken for granted.  

I spoke to my daughter about gratitude for the lights.  I spoke about the dinner not being made, because of the power outage.  I said we may have to go out to eat.  Everything I said seemed to scare my daughter more.  She was in a slight panic and fear had really gripped her.  I said to imagine the homeless people who didn’t have power or lights and were cold and in the dark.  This was all before I went to light the candles.  

When I lit the candles, I could feel her breath.  It really comforted her when the candle was lit.  then every candle I lit made her more at ease, even though she was still scared.  That’s when she ran for the flashlight.  To have light and the power to make light made her feel more OK than before.  To wield the light and have that flashlight made her feel not so out of control.

I knew something had happened that would be remedied, but I didn’t know when or what was the problem.  I had already checked the breakers and usually that fixes things.  I knew I had on 2 small space heaters in the back rooms [it has been freezing here], the new electric water jug and I had just put the pizza in the toaster oven.  The new electric water jug seemed to be taking quite a lot of power, but the breakers were not tripped.  

I called the neighbor, who is an 84 year old woman.  She said she was in her curlers. I was outside on my cell.  Just then, the PG&E truck pulled up and made a U turn to swoop park in front of the driveway.  I walked back, after waving the flashlight at the truck, to see the neighbor who was walking out of her house in her curlers to give us some emotional support.  She snuck me $5 for bringing in her newspapers [I help her with this] and some chocolates she didn’t want. [She is a very sweet old smoker]

The PG&E Tech went to the meters on the outside of the house and while we were in the garage looking at the breakers again, the lights came on!  He fixed it!  I went outside and saw that he had opened another little door inside the meter box where there were more breakers that I did not even know existed!  Those were the ones that had tripped.  He said they were down and he just reset them.  He also said sometimes they need to be reset because they can be half way down and can just go off by themselves.   

So, I learned a lot of things tonight, and so did my daughter.  

We learned that we must not take what we have for granted.  We learned true gratitude on a feeling fear based primal level.  We learned true compassion for the homeless.  We learned we can read by candle light if the power goes out [the internet, the TV and the kitchen were not usable].  We learned we have candles.  We learned that we didn’t die if the lights were out.  We learned to call for help.  We learned to call for friendship and in turn we would receive presents by being present and maintaining our presence.  We learned that even if everyone else has their lights on, ours can go out.  We learned autonomy, proactive reasoning and that we were not alone.  We learned community and interconnectedness.  We learned that not everyone is there for us when we need them [I called my mom, but she was at a party], but the ones who are there are the ones we need at the time. We learned that fear made us think of what to do next.  We learned that breathing when afraid lessened the grip of fear.  We learned that the dark is not so scary, but feeling powerless is.  We learned that surrendering doesn’t bring help; it brings right thinking, so we can ask for help.

I remembered the feeling of powerlessness.  I remembered what it feels like to feel alone and in the dark.  I remembered that I can light a candle and ask for help.  I remembered that I can receive help.  I remembered that help is always on the way. I remembered that help comes to those in need when they ask for it.  I remembered that reaching out really does pay off [in this case in money and chocolate].  And lastly but definitely not least, I remembered that I am not alone, that I have real love in my heart and that lessons felt are lessons remembered.  

Every candle that we lit, lit the room in its own way.  Everything I did and everywhere I moved, I had my little girl close by me.  

Someone really needs me.  I have real friends.  Help arrives. No problem is unsolvable. People really love me.  

I am really loved.  

I have things to learn.  It’s ok to receive help and it actually feels good to get it. 

Gratitude is a great healer.

~*~

NOTHING

A few days ago, my daughter and I were getting ready to go on a long awaited play-date with 2 of our favorite people.  I have seen my daughter try to create drama or sabotage prior to an exciting event before.  I always wonder if it’s her fear that does this or a deflective tendency to take focus and thus energy off of the targeted area.

This time, she chose to subtly attack me with some words that really struck a very old chord with me on a deep soul level.  It had taken me a few days to assimilate what happened that moment and I think I have uncovered the iceberg beneath.

In a frantic moment when we were rushing to get to the car to go to the jumpy house place [she is 6yrs old], she said to me:

“You are nothing.”

Yes.  It was completely out of left field and instantly I reacted with a “What!?”, and a “What are you saying?” and a “Why did you say that?!”  It completely boggled me and sent me into a spin of regressing to my teenage years where I was rooted in low self-esteem and insecurity. 

I could not, at that moment, fathom where this came from.  I must say here that my daughter is very astute for a 6yo and she is also a crystal child which makes her sensitive and psychic.  She can read my thoughts and I have to watch what I think around her.

I wracked my brain to what could have triggered this ~ was I too pushy when I asked her to put on her socks?  NO. Did I do something to make her say this to me? NO.

I wanted to take responsibility for this.  I wanted to see what could have provoked it.  I asked her and she said she didn’t know.  She said she just said it and didn’t know why.

Then we had the angel/devil conversation where we discussed [I discussed, she listened] about how we all have an angel and a devil on our shoulder and that we need to listen to the angel and not the devil.  I asked her if the devil told her to say that to me.  She said she didn’t know.  Duality preaching wasn’t going to work with this crystal kid!

The next rabbit I pulled out of my hat was righteous indignation which to a 6 year old sounds like “blah blah blah blah blah!”

Then I saw myself and shut up.  I sensed it was not about her or what she said but rather what this statement brought up IN ME.

All my life I have lived to prove I am someone; somebody ~ seeking approval was a main goal of mine until very recently.  Maybe this was the capstone on the journey ~ the last test to see if I had accomplished my goal.

I must interject here and say that a few years ago I had a very amazing experience at the close of a yoga class while we were in shivasana; which is the relaxation pose to end the class.  I felt as though I was nothing.  It was not a bad feeling, in fact it was blissful.  I felt like I was in the room, but not of the room or anything around me.  I felt like I had disappeared but I was ‘there’, like I had transcended and made it to somewhere special.   I felt like I was nothing and it felt wonderful!

In saying this, I have come to the decision today that she was actually giving me a gift.  She was reminding me that I was and am nothing and that in the same way I am actually everything.  When I got mad at her after she said it, this is what I said in reply.  I said “I am not nothing! I am EVERYTHING!” then I went on to say all the things I do, yadda yadda, make the play-dates,  clean the house, help with homework etc etc. 

What I was missing was this truth.  I am nothing and I am everything.  I AM.  I know this and I am working to integrate this into my life now.

It didn’t matter what she said ~ it was my reaction and my realization from her words, her energy that made me either see it as an insult or a reflection.  I was spinning and I was running on empty.  I was nothing at the time she said it.  I had no love in me around what I was doing so I was nothing.  I was rushing.  I was not mindful of my actions, my words or my deeds.  I was running on automatic.  I was not present but I was ever present.  I had projected myself to the jumpy house place and I was worrying about being late.  I had lost my self and she noticed and reflected it to me.

 

Today I am learning that it is not important to get somewhere if you’re not there to begin with.

It was very interesting to me that my perception changed the whole experience.  Her words were not charged, in fact they were very bland.  She is pure and was coming from purity.

It was beautiful. 

Now, if only I can see this when it happens next time.  I think I will.

I did ask her if she was afraid about the play-date and she said “Yes.” I asked why and she said that she was afraid that her friend wouldn’t want to play with her.  I surmised that she said this to defuse the worry in her mind.  I expressed to her that I understood this and that everyone worries about how things will go when they are going to meet people… but little did she know, that what she said to me was a true gift.

Thank you for reading ~*~

Namaste

Janzee

Betrayal

Many of us have experienced this monster.  It insidiously creeps in and rips holes in your soul.  It destroys families and children of betrayal are never the same.  It erodes trust to where it is near impossible to put the pieces back together.

The feeling of being betrayed is up there with heartbreak and challenges us with festering resentment which can kill us.  Resentment is like cancer, it becomes a disease of the soul which is very hard to heal.  It may take a lifetime to recover from this kind of experience.

When we talk about betrayal we have to talk about TRUST.  Trust has to do with honesty and betrayal is its opposite. Betrayal’s foundation is set on lies, deceit and narcissism, which is so often present in the core of betrayal.

We live in a world where many people are so stuck in their patterns they can’t see out of their own reality long enough to see that the pattern even exists.  To get even a semblance of perspective feels unsafe and untrustworthy, because we all have become slaves to patterns.  It feels like home to us even if it is unhealthy or dangerous.  We become trapped.

There is a way out of the box.

It has to do with perspective and gaining footing.  In gaining perspective, we can begin to have a new vision, a way of seeing our patterns.  In gaining this, we can walk away from the box and create a new and positive story for ourselves and our world.

We have to begin to understand that we as a society have created these patterns. And as a whole we need to become responsible [response-able] to see the macro levels, which we then can make changes in own personal micro levels.  This inner work can be very challenging.  A guide is often suggested in this work; a healer, shaman or a good friend who knows us well.  Good mothers are invaluable.

When we deal with betrayal on the individual level we have to look at the group level as well.  We are betrayed by our governments, our leaders and who we deem as superiors or leaders.  Authority figures have a lot of responsibility and they are human.  In understanding this we can begin to have compassion for the fact that we and the people in our lives who betray us on a personal level are human too.

This does not excuse the betrayal but it is a starting point from where we can begin to heal our response to the betrayal. 

The lesson is this:  Challenges arise so we can learn how to deal with the energy of them, work with that energy and then move through that energy with as much grace and love as we can. 

Sometimes the experience is emotionally unfettered and sometimes it is emotionally gruesome; more likely the latter for the recipient.

It depends on who one is in the dynamic.  It is important to realize that while the betrayal victim suffers most; it is also crucial to realize that the offenders suffer too, albeit a different form of suffering.   Guilt, shame and self-loathing are often byproducts of the perpetrators karmic lesson.

Many times there are great losses or fallout that come much later from a deep betrayal; ones that cannot be foreseen or foretold.  Heart level issues come up and unless deep introspection occurs, the wounds are carried throughout lifetimes.  Karma is very real.  Children are affected as this energy sets up patterns in lineage.  Even unborn children are affected unless the pattern is healed.  There is great responsibility in the healing of these wounds on all levels.

Forgiveness is a piece, but so is acceptance.  Acceptance is for the wounded party as it releases them from carrying the burden of the wound with which they were afflicted.  To release this is a gift they give themselves. Only their soul can come to this realization.  Hopefully they can move into a space of deep release.

In healing from betrayal, forgiveness is part of healing the negative patterning. I acknowledge this idea when looking at the energy of attraction.  No-one goes through a betrayal without having the set-up energy present in the dynamic.  I am not saying the recipient ‘asks for it’ but instead I am saying that there must be an inherent pattern, either passed through generations or karma.  The seed has to be there for the lesson to be received so that the soul may work through this energetic dynamic.

So, betrayal… however painful and destructive it is… has a gift with it.  Catharsis, freedom and change are birthed from betrayal.  Usually both sides go through some rebirth, but oftentimes it is the person who was betrayed that receives the most gifts of soul level growth.  If they are receptive enough to appreciate the gifts and strong enough to see the healing through without using escape tactics like rebound relationships, drugs or alcohol. Many people delve into work to avoid thinking or dealing with the root of their pain.

Many times the only way people rebirth is through great catastrophe or breakdown, so it makes sense that the gift of betrayal does the same thing.

To die to the old self is always painful; all rebirth is. As we learn and grow through catharsis, sometimes many times in one lifetime, we incorporate the lessons we came to learn.

~*~

Namaste

Janzee

INSIGHT #726

As my daughter started her film tonight called THE PRINCE OF EGYPT I had a revelation…   Since Abraham, the Jews and Arabs have been warring.  Step brothers and step sisters as formidable enemies.    I saw the deeds of both, good and in light.  The Egyptians were brilliant minds.  The Jews, strong of heart.   Doesn’t this smack of another interior battle that each of us face daily and nightly?    It is the eternal battle between the Heart and the Mind.   No, they are NOT the same.   Yet, they reside in the same body.  There has to be some middle road.   So, this micro macro eternal battle is simply within.  If, each one of us can realize this – that we in fact as a whole, mirror the conflict that persists in us – then surely we can change this paradigm?   To honor the heart and the head and to forge a path of peace between the two is each of our individual responsibilities.  Surely this is possible?   How does one do this then and stay in the Peace.   Buddhists confirm that nothing is ever fully balanced, equal or in stasis.  Science confirms this too.   Everything is in a state of flux.   Maybe accepting this is the key.   The key may lie in the dance of the two…  The Heart and the Mind.  One must respect the other equally, giving time so each can give and receive what is owed and due.  The balance is within each and also symbiotically.   The Mind spins and the Heart beats.   The Minds energy is a spiral and the Heart is a drum.   To know this is crucial so we can eliminate any misconceptions that they are the same force.  Each is vitally necessary as a functioning force in the Body System… the World System… and ultimately the Universal System.   The awareness that we are all individually response-able in this dynamic leads us to be able to make this Peace Bridge between the two inside of our Body System; our Spiritual Dynamic.   Then and only then can we intend the same be mirrored outwardly into the World Dynamic and then to the Universal.   So, please visualize the Peace Bridge…  Create it within YOU!   As the Jewish slaves built the Great Pyramids and the Sphinx, so did the Egyptians design these wonders.  It was a mutual channeling, mind and heart, force, magic and power.  Even though it was not balanced and lives were lost in the many, so much was accomplished and the energy links are still there.   The Peace Bridge is within us… *~*~*   Take this thought to heed the mindset of your daily life.    In it is the Wisdom you seek.     Blessings and namaste   ~*~   Janzee