NOTHING

A few days ago, my daughter and I were getting ready to go on a long awaited play-date with 2 of our favorite people.  I have seen my daughter try to create drama or sabotage prior to an exciting event before.  I always wonder if it’s her fear that does this or a deflective tendency to take focus and thus energy off of the targeted area.

This time, she chose to subtly attack me with some words that really struck a very old chord with me on a deep soul level.  It had taken me a few days to assimilate what happened that moment and I think I have uncovered the iceberg beneath.

In a frantic moment when we were rushing to get to the car to go to the jumpy house place [she is 6yrs old], she said to me:

“You are nothing.”

Yes.  It was completely out of left field and instantly I reacted with a “What!?”, and a “What are you saying?” and a “Why did you say that?!”  It completely boggled me and sent me into a spin of regressing to my teenage years where I was rooted in low self-esteem and insecurity. 

I could not, at that moment, fathom where this came from.  I must say here that my daughter is very astute for a 6yo and she is also a crystal child which makes her sensitive and psychic.  She can read my thoughts and I have to watch what I think around her.

I wracked my brain to what could have triggered this ~ was I too pushy when I asked her to put on her socks?  NO. Did I do something to make her say this to me? NO.

I wanted to take responsibility for this.  I wanted to see what could have provoked it.  I asked her and she said she didn’t know.  She said she just said it and didn’t know why.

Then we had the angel/devil conversation where we discussed [I discussed, she listened] about how we all have an angel and a devil on our shoulder and that we need to listen to the angel and not the devil.  I asked her if the devil told her to say that to me.  She said she didn’t know.  Duality preaching wasn’t going to work with this crystal kid!

The next rabbit I pulled out of my hat was righteous indignation which to a 6 year old sounds like “blah blah blah blah blah!”

Then I saw myself and shut up.  I sensed it was not about her or what she said but rather what this statement brought up IN ME.

All my life I have lived to prove I am someone; somebody ~ seeking approval was a main goal of mine until very recently.  Maybe this was the capstone on the journey ~ the last test to see if I had accomplished my goal.

I must interject here and say that a few years ago I had a very amazing experience at the close of a yoga class while we were in shivasana; which is the relaxation pose to end the class.  I felt as though I was nothing.  It was not a bad feeling, in fact it was blissful.  I felt like I was in the room, but not of the room or anything around me.  I felt like I had disappeared but I was ‘there’, like I had transcended and made it to somewhere special.   I felt like I was nothing and it felt wonderful!

In saying this, I have come to the decision today that she was actually giving me a gift.  She was reminding me that I was and am nothing and that in the same way I am actually everything.  When I got mad at her after she said it, this is what I said in reply.  I said “I am not nothing! I am EVERYTHING!” then I went on to say all the things I do, yadda yadda, make the play-dates,  clean the house, help with homework etc etc. 

What I was missing was this truth.  I am nothing and I am everything.  I AM.  I know this and I am working to integrate this into my life now.

It didn’t matter what she said ~ it was my reaction and my realization from her words, her energy that made me either see it as an insult or a reflection.  I was spinning and I was running on empty.  I was nothing at the time she said it.  I had no love in me around what I was doing so I was nothing.  I was rushing.  I was not mindful of my actions, my words or my deeds.  I was running on automatic.  I was not present but I was ever present.  I had projected myself to the jumpy house place and I was worrying about being late.  I had lost my self and she noticed and reflected it to me.

 

Today I am learning that it is not important to get somewhere if you’re not there to begin with.

It was very interesting to me that my perception changed the whole experience.  Her words were not charged, in fact they were very bland.  She is pure and was coming from purity.

It was beautiful. 

Now, if only I can see this when it happens next time.  I think I will.

I did ask her if she was afraid about the play-date and she said “Yes.” I asked why and she said that she was afraid that her friend wouldn’t want to play with her.  I surmised that she said this to defuse the worry in her mind.  I expressed to her that I understood this and that everyone worries about how things will go when they are going to meet people… but little did she know, that what she said to me was a true gift.

Thank you for reading ~*~

Namaste

Janzee

Betrayal

Many of us have experienced this monster.  It insidiously creeps in and rips holes in your soul.  It destroys families and children of betrayal are never the same.  It erodes trust to where it is near impossible to put the pieces back together.

The feeling of being betrayed is up there with heartbreak and challenges us with festering resentment which can kill us.  Resentment is like cancer, it becomes a disease of the soul which is very hard to heal.  It may take a lifetime to recover from this kind of experience.

When we talk about betrayal we have to talk about TRUST.  Trust has to do with honesty and betrayal is its opposite. Betrayal’s foundation is set on lies, deceit and narcissism, which is so often present in the core of betrayal.

We live in a world where many people are so stuck in their patterns they can’t see out of their own reality long enough to see that the pattern even exists.  To get even a semblance of perspective feels unsafe and untrustworthy, because we all have become slaves to patterns.  It feels like home to us even if it is unhealthy or dangerous.  We become trapped.

There is a way out of the box.

It has to do with perspective and gaining footing.  In gaining perspective, we can begin to have a new vision, a way of seeing our patterns.  In gaining this, we can walk away from the box and create a new and positive story for ourselves and our world.

We have to begin to understand that we as a society have created these patterns. And as a whole we need to become responsible [response-able] to see the macro levels, which we then can make changes in own personal micro levels.  This inner work can be very challenging.  A guide is often suggested in this work; a healer, shaman or a good friend who knows us well.  Good mothers are invaluable.

When we deal with betrayal on the individual level we have to look at the group level as well.  We are betrayed by our governments, our leaders and who we deem as superiors or leaders.  Authority figures have a lot of responsibility and they are human.  In understanding this we can begin to have compassion for the fact that we and the people in our lives who betray us on a personal level are human too.

This does not excuse the betrayal but it is a starting point from where we can begin to heal our response to the betrayal. 

The lesson is this:  Challenges arise so we can learn how to deal with the energy of them, work with that energy and then move through that energy with as much grace and love as we can. 

Sometimes the experience is emotionally unfettered and sometimes it is emotionally gruesome; more likely the latter for the recipient.

It depends on who one is in the dynamic.  It is important to realize that while the betrayal victim suffers most; it is also crucial to realize that the offenders suffer too, albeit a different form of suffering.   Guilt, shame and self-loathing are often byproducts of the perpetrators karmic lesson.

Many times there are great losses or fallout that come much later from a deep betrayal; ones that cannot be foreseen or foretold.  Heart level issues come up and unless deep introspection occurs, the wounds are carried throughout lifetimes.  Karma is very real.  Children are affected as this energy sets up patterns in lineage.  Even unborn children are affected unless the pattern is healed.  There is great responsibility in the healing of these wounds on all levels.

Forgiveness is a piece, but so is acceptance.  Acceptance is for the wounded party as it releases them from carrying the burden of the wound with which they were afflicted.  To release this is a gift they give themselves. Only their soul can come to this realization.  Hopefully they can move into a space of deep release.

In healing from betrayal, forgiveness is part of healing the negative patterning. I acknowledge this idea when looking at the energy of attraction.  No-one goes through a betrayal without having the set-up energy present in the dynamic.  I am not saying the recipient ‘asks for it’ but instead I am saying that there must be an inherent pattern, either passed through generations or karma.  The seed has to be there for the lesson to be received so that the soul may work through this energetic dynamic.

So, betrayal… however painful and destructive it is… has a gift with it.  Catharsis, freedom and change are birthed from betrayal.  Usually both sides go through some rebirth, but oftentimes it is the person who was betrayed that receives the most gifts of soul level growth.  If they are receptive enough to appreciate the gifts and strong enough to see the healing through without using escape tactics like rebound relationships, drugs or alcohol. Many people delve into work to avoid thinking or dealing with the root of their pain.

Many times the only way people rebirth is through great catastrophe or breakdown, so it makes sense that the gift of betrayal does the same thing.

To die to the old self is always painful; all rebirth is. As we learn and grow through catharsis, sometimes many times in one lifetime, we incorporate the lessons we came to learn.

~*~

Namaste

Janzee

INSIGHT #726

As my daughter started her film tonight called THE PRINCE OF EGYPT I had a revelation…   Since Abraham, the Jews and Arabs have been warring.  Step brothers and step sisters as formidable enemies.    I saw the deeds of both, good and in light.  The Egyptians were brilliant minds.  The Jews, strong of heart.   Doesn’t this smack of another interior battle that each of us face daily and nightly?    It is the eternal battle between the Heart and the Mind.   No, they are NOT the same.   Yet, they reside in the same body.  There has to be some middle road.   So, this micro macro eternal battle is simply within.  If, each one of us can realize this – that we in fact as a whole, mirror the conflict that persists in us – then surely we can change this paradigm?   To honor the heart and the head and to forge a path of peace between the two is each of our individual responsibilities.  Surely this is possible?   How does one do this then and stay in the Peace.   Buddhists confirm that nothing is ever fully balanced, equal or in stasis.  Science confirms this too.   Everything is in a state of flux.   Maybe accepting this is the key.   The key may lie in the dance of the two…  The Heart and the Mind.  One must respect the other equally, giving time so each can give and receive what is owed and due.  The balance is within each and also symbiotically.   The Mind spins and the Heart beats.   The Minds energy is a spiral and the Heart is a drum.   To know this is crucial so we can eliminate any misconceptions that they are the same force.  Each is vitally necessary as a functioning force in the Body System… the World System… and ultimately the Universal System.   The awareness that we are all individually response-able in this dynamic leads us to be able to make this Peace Bridge between the two inside of our Body System; our Spiritual Dynamic.   Then and only then can we intend the same be mirrored outwardly into the World Dynamic and then to the Universal.   So, please visualize the Peace Bridge…  Create it within YOU!   As the Jewish slaves built the Great Pyramids and the Sphinx, so did the Egyptians design these wonders.  It was a mutual channeling, mind and heart, force, magic and power.  Even though it was not balanced and lives were lost in the many, so much was accomplished and the energy links are still there.   The Peace Bridge is within us… *~*~*   Take this thought to heed the mindset of your daily life.    In it is the Wisdom you seek.     Blessings and namaste   ~*~   Janzee

*~ MIRACLES ~*

Miracles abound; small, medium, large and XL.  From the smallest bird ~ Hummers, to the largest animals ~ Whales; we see miracles all around us.

Being trapped inside, as many of us are; to jobs, daily living, raising kids, schlepping back and forth from school or the store; it’s easy to forget that we are surrounded by miracles.

The magic of the world gets lost in the daily grind, especially if we spend our time seeking outside of ourselves to suffice our inner desires.  Drugs, drink, pills, TV, social network all can detract us away from our own inner magic and the magic that is all around us. We become automatonic users instead of brilliant creators.

It’s when we take a break from the external world and just go for a walk in the woods or try a new trail on a hike, that we rediscover the mystery of Earth.

She, Gaia – as some call her – is an amazing being.  She is shrouded in mystery and there are layers of ages upon her.  There are places we haven’t yet explained like cities upon cities and the giant Moai statues at Easter Island.  The Earth is wrought with mystery; but because we have created around us familiarity, we forget how amazing she is.

It is time to take a walk on the wild side.  I dare you to go on an adventure!

Go and find a place you have never seen.  Go and find a world where magic is alive.  Get out of the box and live a little; even if it’s just a hiking trail near your home, even if it’s just around the block on your street.  I will bet you don’t know all of your neighbors and someone out there can benefit from some gift you bring to this planet.

I bet you will find that you see things in a new way today.  Create something while you are out there.  Find some leaves and sticks and make a fairy house.  Find a tree and hug it.  Feel the energy of the tree.  Change something no matter how small.  Move a stick, a twig, but make something change.

If you go to the ocean you will see all the elements coming together; air, sun, water, earth, wood.  You will feel the ions shift your body presence.  Feel the sand and the water with your feet or hands, the way the two mix and also the sounds of the elements mixing.  When the waves roll in and move the sand – it is a very distinct sound…  Let that sound feed your spirit and cleanse and release away any unneeded baggage.  Just breathe it away…  Imagine the waves rolling over YOU as you lay on the beach by the water… ~*~

Try to feel the other worlds that exist on this plane along with us.  Open your heart to this idea.  Use your imagination and see into the Fairy realm. Imagine fairies and what they may look like, where they may live and what they may do.  

Start to feel into the Spirit realm; where all the people who have ever gone before us have settled for their rest.  See if, along your journey, you can open to this field of consciousness and send some love into it.

You may be surprised what you get back. 

Ask Spirit to guide you and ask for what you want from it.  Wait and feel.  See if you get any visions while you are exploring; for the journey is not of the body or the mind, but rather of the soul and spirit.  See if Spirit will show you your Angel guide[s].  Open to seeing what Spirit shows you in Love.

See if you can feel differently along your way.  And then come back when you are ready and write about it.

Write about what you saw, felt, heard…

And then see how your life changes, unfolds and shifts…

Miracles really do abound.  And, when we stir the pot of our consciousness we really can change the world.

Be in Peace ~*~

Namaste

Janzee

*~ …Letting go… ~*

We have all heard the term: “Let go, Let God.”

We have been told to just “Surrender” and “Go with the Flow” but what does that really mean?  Many of my clients have spoken to me about the need to maintain this flow of letting go as things keep coming up.  They say ‘”There is always more to let go of! When does it end?!”

I completely understand their frustration.  The trick is detecting the source of the creation of the things that come at us.  When we get to the root of that we can truly surrender and really let go.

An example of this is a recurring pattern in my life where I have been faced with the same test over and over again.  My “Saturnian” tests, shall I say, have been numerous and layered throughout my life starting in my teens and carrying through into my 40’s.

I recently was faced with this pattern again during a recent confrontation with an elder.  It has empowered me to realize that the most important things to let go of are our expectations.

Being really clear on what we are expecting from others frees us.  In having no expectations, we are ultimately free.

Having expectations is like a prison we place ourselves in.  It closes the energetic field down and limits the space for miracles.  Thinking and ego play a big part in expectations.

A few years ago, I was stopped on the way out of a store by an old Indian man.  He said this same thing to me.  He asked me if I knew how to live a happy life.  I said no and listened.  He said “Don’t have any expectations!  If you do your best every time then you have done all you can do.”  He said “You can’t be disappointed if you have done your best!”

It was a very simple message but straight to the point. 

I cannot change other people.  I can only change myself.  The inner work is the only thing that matters…Integrity, honesty, self-respect and self-love. 

That’s not to say be selfish.  Service is the prime honor in life.  Being there for people who are open to receive and ready to do the tough inner work is our highest calling.  Giving is for giving…

Another lesson I received around this came from a very good friend who was in the ICU for 4 months.  When he came out he said to me: “Janice, don’t get into confrontation.  Life is too short.  Move around them, do not interact with people who try to rip you off.  Just go around them and move on.  Life is too precious.”

I hear these elders.  I also see elders who are very stuck and afraid to shift to a higher paradigm. They are so comfortable in their fear that a bulldozer won’t even budge them.  It has been home for so long that is all they know.  Their reality has become too real.

Patterns can be broken.  We all live in our own created environments, but we also all live in one environment on earth…Home vs. home.

We must, and it is imperative at this time more than any other before, fall home to that deep place where we know that we are held in the highest regard by the Creator.

This is the only place to reach a complete letting go of expectations… To KNOW that in light we are HELD and that we are all connected no matter what our ego plays out for us or others do around us… To become so smooth that nothing sticks and we merely can move through the fields of conflicting energy like a fish in water sleek and sliding through the river of life.

Letting go… the great paradigm of movement; moving through mindful of our ability to release as much as we are tempted to hold on…

Be at peace…

Namaste ~*~

Janzee

On …~~~Anxiety… ~*

Anxiety rattles us all at one time or another.  Be it the transition of moving, children changing schools, divorce, new babies or just plain daily chores that need to get done.

I suffer with the rest… Just leaving the house is a challenge sometimes.  Making sure everything is ‘together’ for the day before we depart the premises is a challenging ordeal especially with children.

The one common denominator I have found in regards to Anxiety is speed.  My body cannot move as fast as my mind tells it to.  My head races and my body tries its best to follow suit.  

This 3D world is not set up for human flight.  We are Spiritual Beings having a Human experience.

It is imperative that we stay grounded and earthly.  

I have witnessed others in Anxiety and I myself have experienced it first hand, very recently to be honest.  It is racked with overwhelm and the need to complete things before they are even thought of.  This state of mind and body is not a healthy state.  It is in fact our adrenals which have kicked in and are speeding us up as if we are fleeing a wooly mammoth on the playa.  It is a fight or flight response present in the old reptilian part of our brain.

Common sense would have us reset.

The trick is to notice this WHILE we are in Anxiety.  To consciously agree and reset our thinking first to really make that concerted effort to CALM DOWN feels really impossible.  

This morning after 2 days of anxious running of the monkey mind, I decided to just STOP.  

My angels, guides, higher mind or whoever/whatever you want to call it reset me.  And I am grateful.  I feel better today and feel like I can take on things piecemeal.  

There is a ton of energy being released from our sun in the form of huge solar flares this week and we have to assimilate this new light into our DNA.  We are doing this and it is our choice whether it is easy or painful.  We can surrender to the flow or we can resist it.  Resistance really is futile, because at some point the river will push and then we will have to let go.  It is easier to just allow the flow.

All this was said to me yesterday by my very wise mother, but only today has the wisdom sunk in!   I am grateful I am receptive enough to pull back.

Another lesson in this Anxiety 101 is that the example I set is paramount.  I am responsible for emitting calm energy to my child. More importantly,  I am responsible for demonstrating the ability to shift from one state of mind to another.  It is very important that she sees me being capable of shifting my mindset from one of disturb to one of calm.   In this, she will learn how to self-regulate her own dynamic.  This is one of the greatest gifts I can give my child – the gift of owning her own power.

In anxiety, my mind is a slave driver.  The mind needs to be shackled and fed chocolate chip cookies and milk until it calms [expletive] down.

Psychologists and psychiatrists have detailed explanations for the chemical reactions which happen when the mind is ruling the body and everything’s on overload – Anxiety.  They prescribe medications for people with PTSD who have suffered repeated anxiety from varying incidents ranging from high to low.  

That is one solution – medication.  But a much more effective and long lasting solution is Meditation.  In stilling the mind, the body can reset and everything comes into focus - taking that reset energy into daily living is the challenge.  

[Sometimes in extreme cases, deeper healing on the Spiritual level can be helpful to long lasting solutions.]

Life throws curveballs.

The important thing to know when facing anxiety is that if I calm down…

-         ~ Things will get done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

If I go too fast – faster than my body can handle – everything goes haywire and nothing gets done.  I have experienced spills, bumps, inability to grab things – things just out of reach as if I am a ghost, not in my body because I am not in my body - I am in my head.

·         
~   ~ I need to calm down on purpose.

·         ~ Everything will get done.

·         ~ Breathing is the key.

·        ~ Overwhelm is a red flag.

~ I can choose to stop so I can center, ground, prioritize then act.

Grounding centering exercise:

Close your eyes and take 3 long slow deep breaths sending a grounding chord down to the center of the Earth.  Draw up earth energy so you are connected to Gaia.  Breathe this energy up and down slowly until you feel settled.

You can say these words when you feel grounded:

Ø ~ I am on Earth

Ø ~ I am human and mortal

Ø ~ I have no magic powers on this 3D plane

Ø ~ Only in meditation can I center correctly and see what needs to be done first and foremost.

Ø ~ Then and only then can I START

I hope this helps you as it did me.

Yesterday I had 5 major life changing things going on at the same time and it was so overwhelming I could hardly breathe.  Today feels better.  I am much more settled and centered.  Breathing and meditating does wonders.  We have to watch our minds as they can run amok and take us with them without invitation.

Center and breathe… I AM

Namaste ~*~

Janzee